And now it's my turn.
I...highly dislike it. Why would anyone like to read Shakespeare, who manages to create the worst tragedies out of otherwise fine things? I have other reasons why Shakespeare isn't worth reading, too:
1. Over-dramatization. Apparently, hidden deep within the Old English, there's humor, but Shakespeare also over-dramatized. Mostly, he killed off characters mercilessly. On the wall of our English room there's a Shakespeare's death count poster. I think the worst is King Lear or Hamlet, with around 14 dead people by the end. In good stories, people (or other organisms) don't die.
2. Old English. Like, gross. You can't even tell what they mean unless you take the effort to go read on No Fear Shakespeare; and sometimes that's forbidden when we read as a class. Even then it's not an easy read. Well, how are we supposed to write an analytical compare-contrast essay if we can't discuss the meaning and comprehend the story in class?
3. Why on EARTH do connoisseurs of fine English call Shakespeare the 'Noble Bard'? Shakespeare is in NO WAY noble! One is not noble if you make people listen to lute music instead of actual, good music like U2. Also, the plots of his plays certainly aren't noble, they're sad or stupid or just plain out, "Why would anyone want to write or read this junk?!?"
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| TRUTH, drawn by me. |
5. Shakespeare made up a way to TERRIBLY insult people with his Old English. Now, we are forced to insult each other in this way at the start of every English class while we read Romeo and Juliet. It's not fun and I think we shouldn't do it because the world could do to just chill out for a while. Even though our insults aren't meaningful, it's stressful. I always think, "Why are we faking insulting each other? Why even do that?" It's not funny. It's not cool. That part of class should seriously be discontinued, because it's just pointless and it's a waste of time.
That kind of turned into a rant, but Shakespeare is literally and truly stupid! Why even bother! If I'm ever an English teacher (which is highly unlikely), I WILL NOT force my students to read Shakespeare. I don't believe he has anything worthwhile to say to us.
Now, on to the rant on Romeo and Juliet. This is literally the worst love story I know about. First, I get that in those times, girls were... married off... to rich guys when they were even younger than me (14). Still, that's rude and weird and not cool. Then, Romeo seems to be this really emotional, depressed guy who's really lovesick and just rushes between one intense crush and another. NOT GOOD. Chill, Romeo. Chill. You don't always have to be in love with someone (although maybe that's easy for me to say? I've been single my whole teenage life...I don't know). I don't like how quickly Romeo and Juliet fall for each other. And they get married just about the next day after they meet each other. What's with that?!? Weird, that's what, and a large reason Shakespeare isn't a good thing. It's also just not really possible. Yeah, there's love at first sight but even then... get to know someone before you marry them... I think they should have slowed down and done some compatibility checks with their personalities first. Because right after they get married Romeo gets in a fight and is exiled and then Juliet gets sad and drinks the potion-thingy and then Romeo comes back and thinks she's dead and then he kills himself and then Juliet wakes up and Romeo's dead and then she stabs herself and it ends in a big, sad, stupid, why-did-I-waste-my-time-with-that MESS. That's not how the vast majority of love stories end. It's certainly not how they SHOULD or are SUPPOSED to end.
If I'm wrong, correct me. But still. Even someone like me, who would find things like pep band romantic, wouldn't want a relationship to end like that.
So basically, Shakespeare is just like, NOPE. I've given you ample reason.
(THIS IS TO YOU TOO, MR. PARKER. SORRY. SHAKESPEARE IS JUST NOT COOL.)
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