It isn't fun. It won't feel good. You will be the third wheel. Which isn't cool.
I experienced this for the first time recently. It also, unfortunately, happened to complete a not-so-great day, so I went home and ranted to my parents about having friends dating when I'm single. Once I was done ranting, though, it came to me that by no means am I the only person going through this at the moment. So this is for all of you in the same situation as moi right now. Je ne suis pas contente.
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| Me after the assembly today. My art. |
So I wake up late (first irritating thing) and there's SNOW on the ground. It's nearly May, it most certainly shouldn't be snowing (second irritating thing). Then I have to go to French first period, which is the most disorganized, boring, and face-desk worthy class I've taken (third irritating thing). Then I have to sit next to the loudest, most obnoxious group of popular kids in Ceramics (fourth irritating thing), while I try to glaze the miniature milk jug I made on the potter's wheel last week. Somewhere in there I figure out that we're on an assembly schedule, and that we have to listen to a bunch of campaign speeches by people running for student council (fifth irritating thing). After lunch, we get to band and there's a substitute. Of course, then we have sectional time and get nothing done. We started the class with 10 trumpets and by the end there are only 4 of us still practicing (sixth irritating thing). Then, after the last class of the day, we head over to the high school again for the student council assembly. It turns out to be an hour and 15 minutes long, and all the information we freshmen needed was in the last 15 minutes (seventh irritating thing). By this time, as you may have guessed, I was pretty pissed off with how the day had been overall. Well, I reach the boiling point when my friend Ceci and her boyfriend and I get to the auditorium lobby (we all sat together at the assembly). I wanted to walk back to the junior high with Ceci, but she and Boyfriend were taking forever to say goodbye, and weren't planning on walking back to the junior high in the first place.
That was the last straw. I said goodbye and just left by myself.
The fact that they were dating had been bothering me for a while, but I hadn't realized how angry I was getting at it until now. So here's where my advice comes in, starting at the point equivalent to when I said goodbye and just left.
What you might be feeling:
- Angry. You might feel frustrated, irritated, or plain-out angry at your friend or the boy for spending all their time together, being general lovebirds, or talking to/about each other all the time.
- Jealous. It's likely you'll have been jealous of your friend from the start of the relationship, especially if you've got a crush who won't look at you or that you've had for a long time.
- Let down. If you would never have guessed your friend would date in high school, it can be quite a blow to your friendship. You probably thought your friend was better than that.
- Sad. This is another one that's likely if you aren't dating; you'll feel like your life is hopeless or like you'll never be loved at all/as much as your friend.
- Mutinous. This comes after you've felt angry, jealous, sad, and let down. You'll start scheming about ways to break up your friend and their S.O. Or you'll consider ending the friendship.
What you want to do about all those feels:
- Sort them out. Be honest with yourself about how you feel, and try to identify why you feel that way. Why is the relationship bothering you?
- Sort out your options. What can you do to keep the relationship from bothering you? Try not to go with the options that include things like breaking the couple up or hurting the relationship between you and your friend. Preserve the friendship if you can.
- Decide on an option. If you have to, talk with your friend about how you're feeling. If they're any kind of good friend, they'll understand how you feel. But it's your responsibility to be kind and respectful. Don't bombard your friend with reasons they should break up. Also don't villainize the boyfriend. Chances are, he's a perfectly nice guy, but you just don't really know/like him that much.
- Take a break. Do something that makes you happy. Get your mind off of the love lives of both yourself and your friend. Then come back to the problem when you're not really angry or emotional. Chilling out for a while and then looking at things realistically will help solve the problem.
- Talk with some of your other friends. They'll listen, and hopefully don't have the same problems as the friend you're not too happy with.
What you DON'T want to do:
- Ghost your friend. She'll wonder what she did wrong, which is nothing. Keep in contact, but explain the problem. Be nice.
- Get super angry at the boyfriend. You can't get angry at him for liking your friend. Keep those feelings to yourself.
- Spread the problem around. Don't gossip about what's happening between you and the friend. It's not nice to do that.
- Dwell on the problem for too long. It'll need fixing if you want things to go back to how they were before this whole problem came up.
So once you've sorted out your feelings, maybe taken a break for a while, and worked out the problem, things will either return to how they were before, or they'll change. Hopefully you'll have worked out a compromise with your friend so that you can both coexist with the little nuances of each other's lives. Good luck to you, and I'll give more advice as it comes!















